Counseling - A Three Phase Process

This is a basic three-step process for counseling. This method is used when someone comes to you with a concern or wanting to talk about something. It's for "normal neurotics like you and me" and not to deal with people with serious psychiatric disorders.

It does not give advice (a mistake in any counseling method). If you follow this approach you will not harm anyone and likely be doing a lot of good.

Stage One: Listening

Listening means being able to comprehend the message as well as the emotions that go with it.

Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.

Don't make statements that defines the issue or the other person's feelings. Ask instead. Don't say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". It's not, "The issue is . . ." But instead, "You think the problem is . . ." " or "The way you see it is . . . ". At this stage it may be enough to say "uh-huh" or nod your head.

The stage is over when the person begins talking about the causes of the problem. You'll know you've achieved success when you receive the agreement of the root of the problem and what the person feels about it.

Stage Two The second stage is Exploratory listening

When the person speaking to you is comfortable, they'll then move onto more profound things. This is the time to begin asking questions. Inquiring if they've felt this way before; What they have tried in similar situations and whether it worked or not; Whether there are other thoughts and emotions happening for them. You can, if you can clearly see something, offer observations of what you are seeing. For example, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and etc. Even here it is probably more appropriate to ask questions rather than make a statement.

The key issue at this point is to stay connected to their feelings at the depth they are experiencing them.

If you aren't able to do this, let them know and don't make it appear like it. You can something like, "Sorry, I can't take this on right now." They'll appreciate this more than acting like it (and they'll know for sure if you are just pretending).

The stage is over when the problem is looked at differently, and a fresh perspective is obtained.

Stage Three: Doing Different Things

When they start seeing things differently they can start to do things differently or at least plan to.

When someone arrives at you with a problem is to jump to this point immediately. This is a mistake. The only thing that is required is the moment to examine what's going on and to see it from a different perspective.

At this point, you may make suggestions of what has been successful for you.

Don't be enticed by the phrase "Yes But . . . ".

If they give reasons that your suggestions aren't working Don't be a defender. Instead, ask them what they've tried, why it didn't work, and what they can do differently this time.

You may want to organize the possibility of them checking in with you to ensure that they can monitor the progress they make with their new approach to performing things.

The stage is finished when they test their new behaviours with you or when they've an idea of the new behavior they would like to test with other people.

The process is largely about listening.

The other person is always aware more about their own situation than you do.

Never offer advice about what people should do. In the third phase, you might want to share your experiences in the event that you've dealt with a similar issue yourself.

With a little practice you'll become quite proficient fast at Amanda Smith Writer this skill. You could end up becoming the person people turn to for advice'. As long as you do follow this method and do not offer any suggestions, you'll do much good and help numerous people.

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